First, reflect on the situationship from your perspective. “Get to the root of possible issues — betrayal, trauma, desire or goal differences — that may cause you to foster resentment, anger, hurt or even shame,” Nelson recommends.
Second, Nelson advises, take time for yourself to outlining your needs, wants, and desires from the situationship. This is helpful because when you do talk to your person, you’ll be able to set realistic goals for getting back on track.
And so, third, talk to the other person about what’s been going. “I always recommend face-to-face for this, because no need for misinterpretation,” Nelson explains. (You can call instead of meeting up, if absolutely necessary, but def don’t have this conversation over text.) Some exact lines you can use are:
- “How are we doing?”
- “Where do you see this relationship going?”
- “What in our current relationship could use improvement?”
- “I’ve noticed that it seems like our interactions are changing. What do you think?”
It’s also crucial that you have this convo at a time that’s convenient for all parties. As Nelson points out: “Just because you are ready to talk doesn’t mean they have time or ready to listen.” When you finally get to communicating, state the facts and try not to get too caught up in feeling, says Nelson. And listen to understand. “This is no time for blame, but awareness.”
No matter what relationship label you use, it’s hard being “with” someone and still feeling disconnected from them. But after pin-pointing how you’re feeling, checking in with yourself, and checking in with your partner, there’s a good chance you’ll be able to get some clarity from the situation.