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I’m still friends with my ex-es!

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Here I was one lovely evening just generally minding my business and enjoying being battered by the cruel hands of boredom. Sigh. I’m scrolling through IG, or some other mundane task, and come across the picture of an acquaintance. No lies, the girl fine die. Here’s the thing, she’s an ex’s twin (that doesn’t change the fact that she’s eye candy). No, I wasn’t thirsting after her. Well, actually it was her I first sort of had eyes for until virtually everyone in the club was tryna be all over her. She just happened to be there with a neighbor and her twin. Everybody assumed I was interested in the neighbor cos I danced with her. Somehow, I ended up chatting with the other twin. Let’s call the original person of interest 5, her twin will be labelled 6 and the neighbor let’s call S. 

Wait, how did I get here? Digression. Tangent. Ugh! Back to the gist… I saw 5’s pics on IG and I commented. We got to talking about old times and of course me and her sister, who’s currently married with a kid. I was sort of unhappy that 6 had broken off all forms of contact with me. It was extremely painful because of two reasons.

1. She’s one of a handful of people who fully understand me.

2. She’s the only ex I don’t talk to anymore. 

This brings me to the point of the article. I’ve always wondered why people feel the need to totally disconnect from someone they once dated simply because the romantic side of the relationship came to an end. 

Here’s one thing you should know about me: I will NEVER date someone I’m NOT friends with first! And please note that I don’t use the term FRIEND loosely. I guess that’s why all my relationships have been as awesome as they were, and why till today I’m friends with virtually all my exes. 

Things may not have worked out, but friendship is a timeless bond. 6 was someone who had my back and I genuinely thought we’d be friends for life! 

It got me thinking. Do people date for selfish reasons only? Is your girlfriend/boyfriend only valuable when there’s a romantic love involved? Do you love your boo because he’s/she’s boo and not because they’re an awesome individual? Does that person have any value outside of a (romantic)connection to you? If the romance ends, does “block and delete” become justified? Is that really love? Are you just selfish? 

I remember an ex calling me when she had her first kid. She’d had fears about having kids. I remember another ex calling me when she desperately needed a loan. Yet another ex bailing me out when I was so broke even smiling was a luxury. 

The world is a small place and no man is an island. People who’ve known you intimately should be able to come through for you and vise versa. If you’ve blocked them or they’ve blocked you, there are a few possible explanations. 

1. You’re a self-centered moron. 

2. You have an affinity for choosing stupid partners. 

3. You’re unaware of the need to maintain appropriate boundaries if said ex has a boo. 

All the aforementioned reasons point to one thing: a certain level of petulant irresponsibility and lack of civility as a human being. Short version, you’re a dolt! And you have the tendency to perpetuate this trait over and over again if you end up having to cut off all your exes once the relationship ends. 

Allow me to make a little suggestion to you. Do some Yoga…. and some thorough soul-searching. Oh, and stop being a dolt! 

If all your exes get cut off, you’re either a terrible person or you keep choosing terrible people, which essentially makes you a terrible person. Hence the Yoga advice. Don’t leave out the soul-searching after the Yoga though. 

By the way I’m not encouraging you to necessarily be BFF’s with ur ex. Neither am I encouraging perpetual coitus because of some delusion of maintaining contact. 

Do not perpetuate the “men are scum” mantra or the “women are trash” stereotype. Please have sense, biko. 

And that ladies and gents, is the end of my submission. 

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About the author
Born back in the late 70’s, S Dot became a household name in Nigeria in the mid 2000s as one of the pioneering Vee Jays of Soundcity TV.
Equally adept at rapping and sound production, he has now turned his attention to writing pieces that resonate with the current state of the global village known as the world, but from a Nigerian point of view. The Lagos-based rapper/presenter/producer and now writer, just wants to find creative ways of sharing that jumbled hot-mess mind of his.

Twitter: @sdotiam
IG: sdotiam

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13 Comments

I disagree with this article in its entirety. I think once you are in a new relationship, regard for your partner demands that you keep away from your ex. You do not need to become enemies but you are certainly not buddies. This is wisdom.

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